{"id":1484,"date":"2014-12-18T15:39:30","date_gmt":"2014-12-18T20:39:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pts.edu\/blog\/?p=1484"},"modified":"2021-03-09T10:11:50","modified_gmt":"2021-03-09T15:11:50","slug":"coping-with-grief-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pts.edu\/blog\/coping-with-grief-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"Coping with Grief During the Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cIt\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year!\u201d That\u2019s what the peppy Christmas songs tell us, but if you\u2019ve recently suffered a loss \u2013 such as the death of a loved one, a broken relationship, or sudden unemployment \u2013 these words may ring very hollow. In fact, almost everything about the holiday season tends to ignore the complex emotions that many people experience at this time of year.<\/p>\n<p>Advertisements show happy, intact families enjoying the holidays in their perfect homes, and we get the message that we should all feel that cheerful. Expressing sadness or emptiness at this time of year is discouraged, because that would really put a damper on everyone else\u2019s \u201choliday spirit.\u201d But what if you\u2019ve lost your job and you can\u2019t afford to buy gifts for your children this year? What if someone you love deeply has died, and Christmas will never be the same again?<\/p>\n<p>As Christians, we affirm the joy and hope that are at the heart of Christmas. Yet even Jesus\u2019 birth was not unmarked by suffering and loss. Mary, after all, became pregnant before she was married, which likely caused both her and Joseph to endure the community\u2019s scorn. And Jesus himself, though he was God, became flesh and entered into a world of brokenness, making him subject to the full range of human emotions \u2013 including not only joy and peace, but also grief and utter abandonment on the cross.<\/p>\n<p>For most people, the holiday season is a time for celebration. But for some, it is a very painful time; failing to recognize this can cause others to feel even more isolated in their grief. Here are a few suggestions for helping to ease the pain of loss (your own or someone else\u2019s) this holiday season:<\/p>\n<p>If you are grieving:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8211; Decide which holiday traditions you feel like participating in, and opt out of the rest. For instance, you may feel OK about attending a small Christmas gathering with loved ones, but not the holiday party at the office. Choose activities because you think <em>you<\/em> would enjoy them, not because others pressure you.<\/li>\n<li>&#8211; Limit your intake of upsetting news in the media. When you are grieving, exposing yourself to too much of this kind of information can feel overwhelming.<\/li>\n<li>&#8211; Seek support wherever you can find it. If your family or friends don\u2019t understand what you\u2019re going through, look for support groups in your community. These groups may help connect you with others who understand your situation because they\u2019re experiencing something similar.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you want to care for others who are grieving:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8211; If someone doesn\u2019t feel like attending a holiday event, respect that person\u2019s choice. A simple response like \u201cI understand,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll be thinking of you,\u201d feels more supportive than cajoling or laying on a guilt trip.<\/li>\n<li>&#8211; Be especially sensitive toward those who have suffered the death of a loved one within the past year. This will be the first holiday without the deceased person, and will probably feel especially difficult. A simple, handwritten note can communicate your caring in a profound way.<\/li>\n<li>&#8211; Consider hosting a \u201cBlue Christmas\u201d or \u201cLongest Night\u201d service at your church. These services, held on or near the winter solstice, can be a powerful way to acknowledge the difficulty many people experience at this time of year, and to make space for individuals to bring their losses before God and the faith community.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Of course, we don\u2019t have the power to heal the pain of loss on our own; that is God\u2019s role. But, this holiday season, being gentle with our own and others\u2019 grief may convey hope and peace in ways no cheery Christmas tune ever could.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>The Rev. Dr. Leanna K. Fuller is assistant professor of pastoral care at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and teaches in the MDiv Program. She\u00a0writes regularly on pastoral care and counseling, pastoral theology, and congregational conflict.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cIt\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year!\u201d That\u2019s what the peppy Christmas songs tell us, but if you\u2019ve recently suffered a loss \u2013 such as the death of a loved one, a broken relationship, or sudden unemployment \u2013 these words may ring very hollow. In fact, almost everything about the holiday season tends to&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1485,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4,6,7],"tags":[69,68,70],"series":[],"class_list":["post-1484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ministry","category-social-work","category-theological-reflection","tag-coping-with-loss","tag-grief","tag-grieving-during-the-holidays"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\r\n<title>Coping with Grief During the Holidays - Pittsburgh Theological Seminary<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The most wonderful time of the year? 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